Colton Goes Hiking

C: Can I have another story? Do you guess so? 
... as he climbs up with another book.  Did I mention it's past his bedtime? 

Me: Have you seen my phone?
C: Where did you last put it?
Me: If I knew that, I wouldn't be asking you where I put it.

C: How come I have to not miss out on fun things so that I can have my screen time?

C: I want to be a good leader!  A good leader goes around horse poop, and all other kinds of poop!

C: When I find three more feathers, I'm gonna turn into a bird! 
Me: Are you going to be an Angry Bird?
C: I would need a beak too. 
Me: Right.

Colton on Fairness

On Tropical Storm Isaac ~
C: See? That means it's gonna be windy in Washington!
Me: No, buddy, remember how we looked on the map and saw how far away Florida is?
C: Yeah, but it might be just a little windy here.
Me: We don't get hurricanes on this side of the States.
C: IT'S NOT FAIR!

C: IT'S NOT FAIR!! Why do you always want it fair?

C: I like doing boring stuff with you, because it's boring. 

C: Look, it's a hand.  But now my hand is kind of markery. 

C: We kind of have a guest for lunch.
Me: Not today, bud, we're leaving.
C: IT'S NOT FAIR!
Me: I don't know him, his mommy, or his daddy and can't just take him from the park.
C: I could ask his name?
Me: You could, but he still can't come with us to lunch.  Maybe the next time we pack lunch and have it at the park.

C: I don't want to go hiking on Lord Hill. I am going to the Ice Caves.  Make sense?

Weatherman Chronicles

News: An update on the firestorm in Southern California when we come back.
C: Firestorm!  What's firestorm weather?

C: When will these commerchnelles (commercials) be done?

Me: Hurry, go pee.  You won't miss anything.
C: Just tell me what happens on the news! 

C: What's that?
Me: It's called a tropical storm.  It's a storm that could turn into a hurricane if it gets big enough.
C: Can we go outside in it?
Me: That wouldn't be a good idea.
C: Why?
Me: Because it has winds that would knock you over. 
C: Yeah! And carry the house away!

C: See? I told you. There are thunderstorms coming today.

On the Viaduct ~
C: Why are they working on that bridge?
Me: Because it is very old.
C: How old is it?
Me: Older than me.
C: Is it older than our president?
Me: I think so, but let's look. 

Me: See?  It was damaged in an earthquake. 
C: There was an earthquake in the water.
Me: Yeah, there was one recently, but the one that damaged that bridge was much bigger and it happened before you were born. 

Dad comes in to find Colton watching NWCN.
C: I found the news!

Accidentally on Purpose

I love the one shin guard
on the outside of his pants

Me: We do not fight with our friends.
C: It was an accident. We were trying not to!

C: I'm having a very nice day with you.
Aww...

C: This dinner is gooder than gooda! (Gouda cheese)

Me: Your brothers ate more tonight than you and I both did.
C: Yeah, well, in the morning I will eat a BILLION things. Will that be a lot of food?

I walk in the door ~
C: Did you get Dad's email?
Me: About?
C: About my screen time!
Me: Hi, Colton.
C: Hi.
Me: How was your day?
C: Good.  And uhm, did you get the email?

C: Mom? I need you to do me a favor and come in here.
Me: Good night, buddy.
C: But I can't sleep!
Me: You'll need to try longer than just five minutes.

C: What is the weather today?
Me: Look outside.
C: But I need to know what the weather will be!
Dad: Right. Look outside.

C: Are you gonna watch this next chopter with me?  (chapter)

Coach: Ready for our "kids love soccer" cheer?  1...2...3...
C: But I want to say "Kids love asparagus!"

Campingisms

C: I'm very sorry, but we should've put sunscreen on the strawberries.
Me: They just need some water.
C: Yeah, because they're drowning!

On not wanting to eat certain vegetables on his pizza ~
C: You never know when you'll need a spare vegetable! 

C: This cracker looks like Idaho!

Camping with Dad, C somehow scoots out of his sleeping bag ~
C: *sob*
Dad: What's wrong, buddy?
C: You need to give me back my sleeping bag!
Dad: I didn't take it! But here, let me help.

C: My tummy says it's full.
Me: Okay.  Do you think it's going to want any dessert?
C: I suppose.

Camping with Sarah & Co ~
C: Why can I eat huckleberries but not puckleberries?

C: I like it when I bleed, because then I get a bandaid!

C: Do you know why I was cold last night? It was because the TV showed a cloud over the sun. On the third day, the TV showed a thunderstorm, so we'll need to keep shoveling wood onto the fire in the dumping water.

Maniac!

C: When is the fall?  I can't wait!
Me: In a few months.  What can't you wait for?
C: To get to run the kids' marathon! 
Oh dear... I accidentally started him early.

C: Look, Mom!  I am wearing my handsome shorts today!

C: You make me more comfier.
C is a cuddlebug today.

Watching women's mountain biking & the occasional crash ~
C: I never want to do that because sometimes that happens!

C: Do you know who the Olympics are brought to you by?
Me: No.
C: McDonald's!
/facepalm

On receiving a gift card ~
C: I can't believe I got my first card!

Me: What kind of teriyaki do you want?  Chicken and rice or chicken and noodles?
C: The kind with sushi! 
That's my boy!

C: Mom! Help! 
Me: No, I'm rather enjoying this. (J crawling on C)
C: It's not nice to not help someone when they say they need help.
Me: Yeah, but you don't really need help.

Colton on the Olympics

C: Can you move the bed?
Me: No, not tonight.  Why though?
C: So I can get my Lego Hulk’s head!  But he can still talk through this slat right here!

C: Mom? You know what?
Me: What?
C: Can I tell you what?
Me: Yes, tell me!

Hearing the Olympics' jingle ~
C: The London news!

C: Mom? Why aren't you in the Olympics?
Me: I'm not fast enough.
C: You don't have to be fast in gymnastics.
Me: I'm too old for gymnastics, buddy.  But if you practice really hard, maybe you can go to the Olympics some day.

Colton Wishes on a Star

Buzz cut!

Me: How was hockey?
C: Pretty great!
Me: What did you like about it?
C: Uhm, not much.
Me: I thought you just said it was great.
C: It was great. I didn't have a favorite part.

C: Mom, how come we can't go to London?
Me: It'd be a long plane ride, buddy. Longer than you can sleep.
C: I can sleep longer than that! You just have to sleep and sleep alllll the way until you get to the building! (apparently there's only one building in London)

C: What is it?
Me: I'm not telling.
C: But I have to know everything!

Me: I hope we have nice weather this weekend for the meteor shower, so you can see all the shooting stars!
C: OOOH!  And I am going to wish on one and catch one in a jar so I will have a star!
Me: And what are you going to wish for?
C: I don't remember, but I wished for something.
Me: You don't remember what you wished for?
C: I would wish for... for more American flags!
Me: More flags?
C: Yeah, so people that come to Jordan's house will know what state they're in.
Me: Jordan has a flag at his house?
C: He has one near his house.

Me: Hmm.  We didn't leave much dinner for Dad.
C: You can just make him some more. 

C: I am making ice cream!  This is BETTER than ice cream! 
Mmm, frozen bananas!

Does Not Smell like Teen Spirit

C: What does gas smell like?
Me: Gasoline smells like ... gasoline. What do you think it smells like?
C: Dirty, old socks!

C: When I get better at sitting, I can get a car seat that's just a bottom.
Me: Yeah, maybe.
C: Maybe next time you bring money.
Me: They don't sell them at the gym.
C: What about over there?
Me: They don't sell car seats at Bartell's either.
C: Why not?
Me: They have medicine and stuff there.

Me: So you were a pretty busy boy building Legos today?
C: Yeah! And I was working on a *BATTLESHIP*, except it doesn't look like a battleship.
Me: What did it look like then?
C: It just looks like a Jeep. Because it has four wheels.

Dad: Hey buddy, do you want ketchup or tartar sauce for your shrimp?
C: I don't like shrimp.
Dad: Well, that's what's for lunch, so you have to choose.
C: Ketchup then.
...
C: I like this shrimp!

Me: Did you watch the Olympics today?
C: Yeah! And America played this other team at this thing and got ONE HUNDRED POINTS!

Me: Wow, cool drawing! Is that Lightning McQueen?
C: It's a different car. Its name is Vader.

Colton Is Patriotic

On Beach Volleyball ~
C: I'm going outside because I hate this show.  Make sure our team wins!

C: Did you know I hate the Olympics?
Me: Why? It's very cool!
C: Because it's not a kids' show.  And I don't want to watch anything unless America is in it. 
Me: The U.S. is in most of the events on TV, buddy.

Watching rowing, where Great Britain is in the lead ~
C: STOP GRAPES!

Watching Water Polo ~
C: GO UNITED!

C: Can I have more cake?
Me: You've had enough sugar, bud.
C: But it's NOT FAIR!  I don't want ANYTHING HEALTHY!  I just want more sugar!

C: Today is the perfect day for the water slide!
Me: We should blow up your pool.
C: I can help!  I am the biggest blower there is!

C: Aren't you glad Nanan brought you these flowers? After all, there is a bee in the house, and it will make honey in the honey tree!